Flight of the Hummingbird - Day 125 & 126 – 8-10 & 8-11-2021 - Deep Into My Humanness

 

Finding out about my humanness has continued to become a deep dive into the core of myself. It took yesterday to realize and recognize some more things. I missed my post! Dang it! I’m breaking through the perfectionism, lol.

This isn’t an easy journey. In fact, it is downright scary. It is not for everyone to go deeply into the depth of one’s being and continue to heal without losing it, losing the mind.

However, losing the mind is actually a good thing. The mind is not what we are supposed to be using to run our lives. We need to be following our heart and our feelings. I think I have mentioned before, those are our GPS for life.

Most of us have been trained, though, to steer clear of our feelings and to always be or stay in control. This does not work on a human level, maybe society, but that eventually begins to wane their too.

The fears I have held throughout my life, I am really beginning to understand how deeply connected they are to my generations, on both sides.

Deep, deep wounds that run into the DNA that we, as younger generations, carry with us in our DNA. Think about your family. Go back as far as you can. What did they go through?

The generations of my family were consistently in survival mode, escaping, running, being persecuted because they were Jews, having their livelihoods taken away from them.

Each gender, each culture and each generation of those genders and cultures have their stories of persecution throughout time. This stuff isn’t new, and it isn’t the time to fight it anymore, that has obviously gotten us nowhere.

What it has gotten, is to the point of doing the work within ourselves, to let all that go and heal. We carry in our cells and DNA, generational trauma. Sometimes things happen or feelings that happen in our lives aren’t even ours, they are just there riding us because practically no one really understands what is happening or how to release it, and we certainly haven’t been taught.

There are as many different ways to do this work as there are people. At this point in time, COVID has shown us that there is a different way to look at ourselves and different way to live. It opened the door to many terrible and heartbreaking things that have consistently been going on in this world, prior that we were too busy to recognize what was happening or the other to whom it was happening.

The mental health in the US and the rest of the world, in most cases is plummeting quickly and the only way to survive this is to recognize it in ourselves and do the work to whatever capacity we are able. It is imperative to the human race and the children of the future. It is imperative to our inner children.

Digging into this, I am finding inside the inner darkness, a glimmer of light and hope. Instances that I get to grab onto to keep me going. Time and life play hard lessons on us, but that is all it is; the school of life. The hardest part for me is that what I discover inside that I need to do becomes a homework assignment on the outside and how I interreact differently with the people in my life. Some may welcome it and some may not. I know the more I do it through self-love, the easier it will get.

To see that life has been waiting for me to do that very thing that I have been so afraid of doing.

However, I am also finding that the very first step is admitting to myself the truth about what is going on. That isn’t easy and it is necessary. It is necessary to admit it to myself because then and only then can I do something about it to change it. To make the choice and to be persistent, knowing that I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

For most of my life I talked and balked about my mother’s behaviors of being a victim. I have been carrying that victim consciousness from her, her family and mostly because of what they went through. It was theirs and that is what is so difficult for us is because it gloms onto us in such a way we think it is ours, thinking we are terrible people, we did something wrong, we are not good enough, you name it… thoughts that we have of ourselves.

No more! This is the time to make the choice. To decide to say enough is enough. You know who you are if you are thinking these things and just haven’t figured out what to do with those thoughts. Reach out if you need to. To me, to someone, to support you in getting you started or continuing on your journey in a different way. A way that works, through your heart, and not your mind.

Blessings to you on this day and I hope that you reach out to find your way. There are people out there to help. We are here to help each other.