Flight Chronicles of the Hummingbird - Day 10 – 4-16- 2021 - Don’t Die with Your Music Still in You

Don’t Die with Your Music Still in You

Today, I decided to write this after my walk. There were quite a few moments that occurred that I could write about and I chose this one.

Don’t Die with Your Music Still in You…

Wayne Dyer was the person I first heard this from years ago and the reminder today was powerful because tomorrow is the two-week anniversary of driving away from my old life. Not just the pieces of it that helped me to grow to this point, living in South Florida, but my whole life.

As I write these blog posts, I look back at my life and see just how this is a culmination and turning point to my future. It is a huge opportunity to take everything I have learned and alchemize it into something beautiful.

Today is a better day, which gave me a chance to think about what that statement means to me. I will say it again, “Don’t die with your music still in you.”

As I type those words I realize what this really means to me. So here goes…

The first thing I remember is going to camp during the summers for one or two months. I believe I started when I was six. At some point between the ages of 6 and 10, each summer I tried out for the musicals that they produced there. I loved musicals.

I never got picked for a lead part. They had always picked the “popular” kids for those and I got bit parts. I was always so sad about that, but I don’t believe I said anything to anyone, ever. I tended to keep these things to myself.

After all, I believed I was invisible. So much so that I used to go out into nature and be with the horses at camp or to the creek when I was home. It was the only place that I really felt any joy and peace.

The good news is that I kept trying each summer to be in those musicals.

I was learning to play the piano, cello and violin during different times back then.

I also sang in the choir in junior high school and there was a time while I was in school, when a “friend” goaded me to go to the music room at school to turn over all the chairs which I ended up listening to and did. I got in so much trouble and felt so ashamed over that. I began to distance myself from one of the things I loved the most, music. I was so scared and heartbroken, I don’t recall if I got in trouble at school more than a talking to, but I felt so bad.

We have a tendency to follow others in hopes that they will like us and that is what I was doing. I never felt accepted in those days. Have you ever felt unaccepted before?

A year or two later, I had my Bat Mitzvah. For those of you who don’t know, part of the process is to sing from the Torah. I remember being told I had a beautiful voice after it was over. I somehow couldn’t take that compliment in; I was 13.

It was the last time I ever sang.

Also, during that time, around 10, as when I had started to write poems and keeping a journal. That saved me through those years although I began to think I wasn’t good at anything because I never got picked for anything.

I was always the last to be picked for sports. I was always the shortest one in my class. I always felt out of place and alone mainly because during that time, in the 70’s, I was also the only one, that I knew of, who lived with her grandparents and father because her parents were divorced. That was unheard of back then.

And I was an only child. I was so confused and felt so alone. No wonder I turned to nature.

Anyway, getting to the point of all of this.

About three years ago, I was still going though many Dark Nights of the Soul. I was isolated and alone, spending many days by myself, inside the place I was living.

One day, I decided that I couldn’t keep doing this. I made the choice to join a Unity church in the area. About six months after being there, I then decided to join the choir. I have always wanted to speak in public and I figured, What better way to do that than to sing on stage?

I was a bit rusty, although everyone said I had a good voice, it definitely needed a little voice boosting. After all I hadn’t sung in 40 years.

I did that for about six months and enjoyed the heck out of it. Something was beginning to shift in my life, partly because of the messages that were being shared in Unity and partly because I was ready to move forward.

At the end of February 2019, I decided to leave the church because I felt like I was being led to something bigger. I had no idea what that was.

The day I left, I sat outside wondering what was next for me. I looked at the shimmering water of the Intercoastal that looked like diamonds and knew it was the right move.

A few days later, after deciding to start a writing support group, I contacted someone who put me in touch with a therapist who was renting out space in his office.

I went to meet him to tell him about what I wanted to do with the support group. As I walked into his huge office, off to the right were a couple of acoustic guitars, an electric guitar. There was also an electric keyboard, which I totally avoided; I wouldn’t even look at it.

Yet, I thought to myself, How cool is this? I have been to many a therapist’s offices and never in my life saw that. I was intrigued.

So, as I was telling him what I wanted to do with the group, I realized that we could use music for the meditations at the beginning of each session and asked him if he would be interested. He hesitated, but then he said, “Sure!”

Well, long story short, the writing support group never came to be. No one showed up for the event on the first day it was scheduled. We had time to talk. I learned that he had always wanted to sing with a female partner and so I took my chance.

“Do you think we could sing some cover songs?” I asked. He agreed and we sang those for about 20 minutes. We were both into 70s folk/rock music, like Bob Dylan and Carole King. I was having so much fun. We laughed a lot.

A match made in heaven. Uh oh.

Then he said to me, “Well covers are cool, but do you want to see how I write a song?”

Write? Hmmm, ok my turn to say, “Sure!”

So, he began just playing this tune and he started to sing what sounded like nonsensical words. But wait, it was magic; I was hearing words in those non-words.

I said, “Quick, where’s a piece of paper? I’m hearing words I want to write down!”

He pointed to the printer and I grabbed a sheet out and started scribbling the words I was hearing. Within an hour and a half, we had written our first song called Long and Lonely Road!

Music was back in my life and it came with a beautiful vengeance!

Since that day, we named ourselves Indivinity Music (Healing Medicine Music played at 432 Hz and 444 Hz), wrote 32 songs referencing our personal healing journeys both separately and together (yes, he was the last relationship I was in 😊), started a business called Indivinity Productions, LLC which we use music, meditation, and coaching to help others heal.

We produced two EPs which are on Spotify, Apple Music and YouTube Music. And we went through it all, laughter, codependency, trust issues, loneliness and even experienced a death; the most heartbreaking, frustrating, anxiety producing situations that we actually walked through together. Now, our business, Indivinity Productions, is still together so we can help others heal.

We both walked through hell and made it through to the other side. We also realized a lot about ourselves and each other in this growth relationship.

Wayne Dyer was the one who used to say to not die with your music still in you.

Your music is your dreams, your gifts, your vision, your desires. Your music is your good health, a business or job that suits you, your relationship.

Your music is you.

“I got the music in me, I got the music in me, I got the music in me!” It’s time, let that music out.

This journey of mine is beginning to sound more and more beautiful because I am bringing my music out.