Flight Chronicles of the Hummingbird - Day 17 – 4-23-2021 - Who Am I…

Who Am I…

What a powerful discovery this morning as I was on my walk.

My defining moment was a situation in my life that I went through with my children called Parental Alienation or Family Bond Obstruction.

It involves not only children being told lies about the other loving parent by the custodial parent, it also works with not having told them the whole truth.

For me it involved being gaslighted, demeaned, lied to, bullied. Here are some of the things that were told to me as my children were told “stranger danger” about me.

1.       “You’re crazy and have mental health issues. You need help, you’re just like your mother.”

2.       “You’re just being unstable and jealous of your children and that we are taking care of them.”

3.       “You’re being way too sensitive. You are always overreacting.”

4.       “That was just a joke, you have no sense of humor.”

5.       “You’re the problem here, not me.”

6.       “I never said or did that. You’re imagining things.”

I have done a lot of healing around this, so I am not angry or hurt anymore, although I lost my relationship with my children for 10+ years and in some ways still feel like it is still happening from my own traumas that get triggered by every now and then. Yes, both of my children speak to me and they are doing well in their lives.

I pulled in my story to just say it is difficult, at best, to help other people in the same arena we are fighting in until we step back and help/heal ourselves first. This is a huge lesson for me in that, as I’ve described before, I have always put others before me.

What I can do is at some point come back into that arena when it’s time and help then. I have just realized this today.

I tried for years to help people in the PA/Family Bond Obstruction realm and all it did was throw me into a trigger tizzy; it pushed me right back into Complex PTSD responses and I was in no shape to help anyone. I couldn’t even help myself.

Now I see the way to do this and I would like to begin with going back to Who Am I…

Who Am I…

…to help others when I can’t even get my own shit together? I am a failure and an imposter.

…to make decisions for myself? Other people always have to make decisions for me or I won’t know what direction to go in.

…to believe I can do ________? I have always had to go to others to tell me I am good at something and cheer me on. Then I don’t believe them.

…to teach other people about mistakes? I am the queen of mistakes. They won’t listen to me.

…to be big? “Everyone” has always told me that there is only one path I can travel and that is the one they put out for me.

…to make lots of money and be abundant? I’m supposed to take care of everyone else first and then I can be abundant.

…to dream? I am told I have to work hard for someone else and get paid so little money I can’t afford to buy a house or pay my college debt off.

…lose weight or get healthy? No one cares about me anyway.

None of this is making sense. Does any of this sound familiar? Are there any you can share?

This next part is when I realized there was a possibility for healing and change…

…to decide I am worth healing from my traumas? I know now that I have the right to do it.

…be willing to take change my life? I was following what others told me to do and it doesn’t feel right anymore.

…to make decisions for myself without anyone else’s approval? It’s my life, why wouldn’t I make decisions for myself?

…to let go of limiting beliefs? I get to stand in my own power and not be codependent anymore.

And so much more.

Now I ask the question…

Who am I not to do the things I want and dream of doing in my life? I have every right to do the following:

I choose to follow the energy of my soul and take righteous action in the direction of infinite intelligence.

I choose to transmute illusions, patterns, limiting beliefs, conditioning and stories that no longer serve the highest expression of my soul’s purpose.

I choose to activate the dormant gifts, faculties and frequencies that support the full expression of my inner healer.

I choose to honor the sacred exchange of abundance and wisdom.

I choose to see and honor the visible and hidden parts of me and others and meet any resistance with curiosity.

I choose to remember that the flourishing of all happens through my willingness to flourish.

I am responsible to the highest level of my awakening that I have accessed.

I am a stand for truth and integrity.

I'm committed to allowing the natural creative energy that is most designed to move through me to come forth.

I am committed to the most conscious expression of power and serve as a living transmission of this energy for others.

And…I vow to honor the spirit of these principles and commit to the natural unfolding of my soul's evolution.

Why?

Because I am who I am.

This is where this journey is taking me.