Flight Chronicles of the Hummingbird - Day 3 – 4/9/2021 - Off Days

When things shift and I go through healing, it really doesn’t always feel good. There are good days, not so good days and off days. This one feels like an off day.

Good things are happening that are coming in and old things are being released. Both are scary, both put me into a place of the unknow and both give me the opportunity to sit with them. I am sitting in the space right now. I don’t know what will happen because I am not at that point as of yet.

I find it interesting that I really don’t have anyone to talk to about this and it’s not that bad because it is giving me the opportunity to connect with my Higher Self and work through this problem on my own. Also, connecting with God is and isn’t a challenge for me because of how I was raised and what I’ve been through in my life. This gives me that chance.

Today, I get to do gratitude for the small things. The sunrise, the roof over my head, the friends who are helping me with that, the nice comfortable bed and pillow I get to lay my head on. It seems like nothing and it is a big deal.

This is what the bottom looks like and this time I get to do it differently.

I’m scared I won’t be able to do this, that I can’t handle it, even though I know that I can because I am strong and brave.

I’m sad because my old life is shifting, and things are starting to move away from me. Some of these things probably didn’t need to have been there to begin with, but I didn’t know any better and I forgive myself for the not knowing.

Sometimes I feel shame because I get into a space of feeling as though I can’t get my shit together; and then some days I am and I do.

Sometimes I’m confused because I think I’m doing something that will take me in a good direction and there is an immediate direction shift that occurs that doesn’t feel right.

Anyway, I listened to Earl Nightingale yesterday and found that a lot of what he talks about I have done and just get to get back on track or have been doing. The One Thing I get to do is to become outstanding at one particular thing. I know a good place to start is with anxiety and as I walk through all the anxiety that this brings out in me, I can guide others to walk through with me. This isn’t easy. To put all my eggs in one basket means I have to release some things that are not really working anyway. I don’t know how to do that and I know I must. Unless I can just be a part of Indivinity Productions and just talk about anxiety, that actually feels right to me. I have some things I need to do first to close out my old life before doing that.

So it challenges me to just pick one thing, but that I am doing. Anxiety is part of grief, anxiety is part of the life we live on this planet. It can be all encompassing and can cause all kinds of havoc and I get to walk through it in my own life. What better way to learn how to deal with it than by walking through it.

So, I step out on this day into my journey to see where this leads… always focusing on the goal that I choose to happen.