Flight of the Hummingbird - Day 113 – 7-28-2021 - Just Surrender

On November 15, 2019, my music partner and I (Indivinity Music) wrote a song called Just Surrender and it is appropriate for me, on this day to take a look at the words of this song.

 

“The thing about the lonely road, is, it’s missing part of the soul,

That wants to find it’s way back home, surrender is the goal…

 

Time to surrender, just let it be…

Healing the world, let it begin with me…

If not now, when will it be?”

 

Needing to surrender is very important to moving forward in life.

The most important things I am learning to surrender to, at this point, is not being committed to an outcome and not personalizing anything.

Discovering that everything is exactly as it is, and that hurt people hurt people.

You see, I have been in control mode for my entire life. I control because I have felt and now sometimes feel out of control. Like everything outside of me is taking over and will blow up any moment.

I see, in the moment, that this isn’t exactly what is happening. However, from past experience and conditioning of having to protect myself since no one in the past was there to protect me, I have been desperate to be in control.

And this could be happening for me for any number of reasons. This may not even be mine, yet I get to walk through it.

Generationally, as I have mentioned in other writings, both sides of my family were holocaust victims in some way, whether it was being killed in a concentration camp to having to escape the Nazi’s and the SS. For years, for them, there was constant chaos, constantly running and hiding, constantly trying to protect themselves because no one else would.

I see that in this moment as I write about my own story and how I do the same. This is literally crazy making and I know, now, that I choose to break this generational pattern.

The sad thing is the reason behind the pattern involving death, loss, lack, bankruptcy (literally and emotionally), fleeing, feeling lost, no direction, throughout the generations. The list goes on and on and today, after translating some of the letters the other day that my grandfather wrote before WWII broke out, I see why this is happening in my life.

My only option is to heal from this for myself, my ancestors and my children and future generations.

This is all new for me and what came up for me early this morning was that I get to walk through this for me and my lineage, my family and myself.

So, surrender. What exactly does that mean? Is it about giving up? Or is it about letting go?

What most people talk about when it comes to surrender is that there is a need to give up and most of us who are persistent and perfectionistic, don’t want to do that. But we are mostly taught that this is what surrender means.

I am seeing a different side of surrender and it isn’t easy. I look into the face of the things that are occurring in my life at the same time I am seeing the generational trauma and I have choices. To fall in, to give up or to let go.

Working through some of these things in the midst of the deepest pain imaginable, probably because it is so deeply rooted in the generational trauma, and it just hurts. Allowing the pain to run through me. Grieving at the deepest levels. Feeling the agony and pain that my ancestors must have felt and because the feelings are similar, it really isn’t that hard to do, I keep walking through this. Moment by moment, pieces release and things become lighter.

When walking through the recesses of the mind, the ego protects from the pain and one of the ways it protects comes out in our behavior and decisions. I see that when I don’t fully know or understand something that is happening, I revert back to survival mode. I am human, that is what humans do.

Fight, flight, flee or freeze. I’ve done them all. The challenge is that most of society is stuck in this survival mode, and we cannot thrive when here. Depression, anxiety, suicide… it runs the gamut.

Getting through this is not a one-time healing session, immediate gratification does not hold a place here. We must feel in order to heal.

We must grieve those feelings; we must allow ourselves to do this and we must be gentle with ourselves as it is happening. These things are coming up for me to see all of it.

Just Surrender…

Time to let go. Be like the eaglet and when mom pushes you out of the nest, knowing instinctively you will fly. Guess what. Dad is flying below to help you if you get into trouble.

Read about how eagles learn how to fly, it’s very inspiring.

And know this, as I am getting to know this. Mom (Mother Earth/Divine Feminine) is there to raise the eaglet until it is ready to fly from the nest. Then she gets to be brave and push her eaglet out into the world. Dad (Source, Higher Power, Creator, God, Allah/Divine Masculine) is always waiting to catch you and protect you, if it doesn’t work out.

And… what if it does? What does that bring to my life? What does it bring to yours? I can only imagine right now, but I bet it’s really good.