Flight of the Hummingbird - Day 89 – 7-4-2021 - When Things Change – Grief Happens

I have had some really amazing things going on along with changes and shifts galore. I love what is happening and at the same time, there is grief.

I am happy and grateful for all of it as the grief is helping me to release the things I don’t need anymore, whether they are items or sad, angry, hurt, shame, or any other of the “negative” emotions that got stored in my body for years.

The feelings and emotions are not necessarily a bad thing. What is happening is that we are meant to grieve so we can live life. We aren’t meant to hold onto all of that stuff because it really locks us down and makes us feel stuck.

That is what I have been dealing with and now that things are beginning to loosen up for me, the grief is coming up because I am leaving behind a lifetime of all of those experiences.

I grieve the little girl in me who had to fight through all of the things she had going on and not knowing how.

I grieve the beautiful and wonderful experiences because they were fleeting.

I grieve the losses again because they get mixed up in these changes.

I grieve the pattern changes because I got comfortable in them again and now they are shifting.

I grieve who I was to welcome who I am.

I am so full of excitement now, mixed with some fear, because I have no clue what is about to happen, and I am on an adventure.

This is me and this is who I choose to be from here on out.

My freedom has always been important to me and I’m not talking about the freedom messages about July 4.

I am talking about a deeper freedom from the inside out. From my experiences, I have never felt free inside or outside of myself. Outside, to me, there is an illusion of freedom, and I won’t get into that because that isn’t what this is about.

Anyway, the deeper experience of freedom inside of me is who I am, who we all are, deep down in our core and our spirit. It is a freedom that we can discover what we do in our lives that we are gifted in, not what someone else expects us to do. Mostly, the people who have those expectations are in their own stuck place and don’t want us to dream and do the things we want to. They are afraid to see us succeed because of their wounds. And that is normal and perfectly ok, and it doesn’t mean that it has to stop us. That was my experience throughout my life.

No matter what I wanted to do or try, I allowed the naysayers to pull me back.

That is not happening anymore. I can and will do one of the biggest things I have wanted to do since I was in my 20s. Travel…

That is why I am going to through this last vestige of grief. I am making room for the next chapter of my life, and I am enjoying the hell out of it.

So tomorrow the adventure begins. The first leg of going back to Florida, getting my things, saying “See ya later!” (not good bye) to people I have known over the past 7 years, and changing everything. This trip is the first time I will have some closure on the experiences I had while I lived there and that is important to me.

Of course, I will miss things, places and people there while at the same time realizing that I have missed me for an entire lifetime. Now I get to spend that time with me.

It’s a beautiful thing.

How does it get any better than this?