Flight of the Hummingbird - Day 99 – 7-14-2021 - The Beginning of the Reckoning

 

Go away… this isn’t working, wait…

Please, don’t go!

I need you, no wait,

No, I don’t!

 

The push me, pull you inside of me,

Has always made me feel crazy.

I’m lying to myself; therefore, I’m lying to you.

I really haven’t known what to do.

 

I have thought there is something seriously wrong with me,

It’s been following throughout my life, and I really couldn’t see.

That isn’t true yet there was always block,

From the trauma and wounds, I was in shock.

 

I didn’t know how to get through pain,

No one explained it to me, so I had to maintain,

This perfect front that never lasted,

While throughout my life, I completely distracted,

 

Myself from who I really am,

To go through things, I didn’t understand.

Why is this happening? What is going on?

Feeling all the while, and saying to myself to convince, this is making me strong.

 

Yet, I don’t feel strong right now, when things fall apart,

And when they do, I come together in my heart.

I really know what happens is meant to be,

It’s not happening to me, but for me to be free.

 

It hurts, it’s okay, I’m making it through,

Even though I haven’t really known what to do.

Taking responsibility for these habit behaviors of mine,

Those that really put me into a bind.

 

Just started to see what is really true,

And the good news is I’m coming unglued.

At least that part of me that was lying to Self,

And brought experiences into my life that at a time, I needed help.

 

Desperately, at points, I looked and looked,

For the different things outside of me that got me hooked.

Then one day I realized, I could do that, no more,

I can’t follow that same path or I would get hit by a slamming door.

 

What do I do now? I really don’t know,

My Source and my Self are showing me where to go.

I wouldn’t listen at points in my life,

So, I ran into brick walls and caused a lot of strife.

 

The other, they really didn’t do it to me,

Their behaviors were there for me to see,

Just how I needed to take responsibility,

For the mess I created when I couldn’t just be me.

 

But wait, isn’t that turning back on my self,

No, it’s recognizing that it’s time to put those untrue beliefs on a shelf.

To release them, forgive them and really let them go,

To change myself and my life in a way that my heart runs the show.

 

Not my mind, it can only get me so far,

It hasn’t worked, I have felt so bizarre.

I’m starting to see and understand some things too,

I made the mistakes and went deep into the poo.

 

It is time to come out and be who I am,

No more of the insanity, no more of the sham,

I’ve kept telling myself, just to get by,

Now it’s time to come out of this with my head held high.

 

I’ve got this, I can do it, I know that I can,

This is the time when the new life began.