Flight of the Hummingbird - Day 90 – 7-5-2021 - Opportunities to Surrender

 

I have read in the past week, numerous times, that one of the main reasons we are on this planet is learn to surrender.

I have been doing that for a while now, yet not to the depths that I believe we are supposed to or that have been happening now.

When I say surrender, I am talking about- to everything, including our Higher Selves.

Whenever anything comes up now, I am looking at it as an opportunity to surrender instead of falling into whatever is happening with pain, anger, sadness, whatever feeling might be coming up in the moment. I used to fall deep. I am learning to let the feeling flow through me and to just allow the situation to play itself out.

Either I would be hyper-vigilant and always be on the ready for the other shoe to drop or I would attempt to control my environment because I felt so out of control.

Either way of doing things is not surrender.

Surrender is just to sit and allow the situation and the feelings to hit, and I have found that it doesn’t hurt for that long, it does wash over and settle… eventually.

This is another thing I really don’t understand the process on how it works, I just know that it does.

And some days, I don’t.

I am working through that right now. Getting ready to leave to go back down to Florida for the last time in a while. The feelings that are coming up want to explode and they don’t because now I know that I am ok no matter what.

A few years ago, I would have just broken down and cried and cried and want to be alone. Now I am feeling the fear and sadness welling up and just letting it sit with me.

Yes my eyes tear up as I write this, and I also know at the same time that this is a big deal for me to walk through this.

Yes we all have the capability to do this, yet we were never taught, so we get stuck in the loop of the mind and its messages.

I love these changes and I hate these changes… I have to be really honest here. I don’t ever have any intentions of making this seem easy because it isn’t. Yet it is simple.

There is a simplicity to this that overrides any and all fears that we connect to because that has been what we were taught and sometimes it feels like that is all we know.

But it isn’t. What I know now is that underlying all of the stuff, the darkness, is a spark, a light that has continuously guided my way even when I pushed it away or tried to blow it out.

It has always been there. And that is why I am here now writing this and getting ready to do whatever comes next. Living my life full out for the first time ever, making that light brighter and brighter every day.

Sometimes it’s hard to write about this kind of thing because as I have known throughout my life, I want proof.

Well, this isn’t something you can get proof about, or descriptions. It is something that is felt… throughout the body and especially in the heart.

It is indescribable.

I am doing the best I can, so if there are questions you are willing to ask, I am willing to answer.

I now know it’s possible. Yes there is doubt still here and there, but the knowing is the most important right now for me.

How does it get any better than this?