Flight Chronicles of the Hummingbird - Day 37 – 5-13-2021 - When Life Doesn’t Work the Way We Think It Should—It May Actually Be A Good Thing

When Life Doesn’t Work the Way We Think It Should—It May Actually Be A Good Thing

On a day like today where I wake up feeling like I might have run into a brick wall and thought something is wrong with me, I realized that is not the case.

Throughout my life, when something didn’t work out the way I thought it would or wanted it to, I lost it. I mean literally. Screaming, crying, beating myself up, saying how worthless I was. This was the only thing I knew to do.

So, as I am walking through this in between time, this void as I like to call it, I realize that the things that I thought I was going to do that were suggested to me by others during this time, are not seeming to work.

As I focus on my dreams and goals, I find that anything that isn’t related to what that is falls to the wayside and it does not feel comfortable doing them.

I always feel very uncomfortable walking through things that aren’t supposed to be happening.

The biggest realization of all in this is that it isn’t me. There is nothing wrong with me. Just because that thing didn’t work out doesn’t mean I am worthless.

What it has shown me is the Universe, Source, God, Higher Power (whatever you choose to call it) is actually guiding me through my desires, dreams, and gifts to do and be what I was meant to in this life. I just get to allow it to happen and to keep from sabotaging myself from fear of whatever; the unknown feels like that’s what it is now.

As I write about this, I also get to walk through grief again. Letting go of the scared, sad woman I was in the past and moving into the powerful, joyful woman I truly am.

This type of grief is maddening because I can’t really connect with it and there really aren’t any feelings that come up. I’m not crying, I’m not angry, I’m just here. It’s more like I zone out and while I am zoning out, I just sit with it, in the present moment with me, telling myself I am ok and I am here to support me.

So weird, I can honestly say. This isn’t something I am used to doing. I am able to handle it better than I thought I would.

Have you ever run into something similar where you know that you aren’t supposed to be doing that thing that you wanted to for a long time? What does that feel like for you?

I look forward to seeing what the outcome of this one is.