Flight Chronicles of the Hummingbird - Day 49 – 5-25-2021 - Catastrophizing

Catastrophizing

Plenty is coming up for me emotionally in preparing for the full moon tomorrow. I didn’t sleep well last night, not feeling great and just don’t have a lot of energy today. It’s been challenging me all morning. I woke up late and didn’t get some of the things done that I normally do in the mornings.

And I’m ok with that because I am actually taking care of myself and I’m more cognizant of that.

So, I had a major ah-hah moment today and generally when something comes up like this I look for the belief system that runs underneath my behavior but today I am just allowing it to unfold. I don’t know what it is, and I don’t know if I need to.

Anyway, the ah-hah moment…what happens is that I either presume the worst about a person or situation from the beginning or I’m excited about something or someone and then shift gears either from fear or waiting for the other shoe to drop (catastrophizing) in thinking about the “terribleness” of the person or situation that I let it squander. It has all ended in fear.

In my life, I have been so afraid of losing people and situations that I self-sabotaged whatever was happening and lost it anyway. I am observing this carefully now and it is important for me to shift this because this is what I feel is one of the things that have sabotaged me in my business success in life.

I have had many successes and they don’t all include money or things. I kind of went into this yesterday, I think. At this point, I feel like awareness is a huge success and releasing these things that no longer serve my highest good. It’s what I’ve got and it’s important to me.

What I can tell you is that worrying and catastrophizing do not get me anywhere except frustrated every time I lose something because I didn’t want to step full in. Yes there is fear, yes there is loss, everywhere in life and my goal is to just get ok with it.

I really understand how hard this can be, so I don’t, obviously, have any advice. Logically, I know what to do. In actuality, it scares the shit out of me, but I keep going anyway.

I’m just tired today, so this post is the best I can do. Hopefully there was a connection on some level. If not, that is ok too.

In truth and light,

Caroline