Flight Chronicles of the Hummingbird - Day 57 – 6-2-2021 - Looking Back on this Ride

 

Tomorrow is my two month-a-versary of my moving into this new chapter of my life. This time alone has allowed me much deeper discoveries into the truth of who I am.

So many things have come up for me and I really feel different. The grief, although it comes up every now and again is subsiding and the anxiety I have held for years is beginning to fade away.

I was thinking today on my walk about this new process of knowing myself that I am discovering. I have a coach that told me about a system called Human Design. At first, I thought, “Crap, not another thing about how my personality is.”

I was full out wrong. Once I started to look into it, based on my birthdate and time and location, it opened up a whole new world to me that I never knew existed; and it’s been around for about 30 years.

Who knew?

So, what I have been learning about myself validates that this is who I am and all of the bullying I endured throughout my life only came from others who don’t understand how I function. I didn’t even understand, so for my entire life, I felt like such a failure because I couldn’t fit in or get anything right.

Well, now I know why. My design is what is called a Projector and those of us who are this type only make up about 20% of the population. So, there is the first, outside the box reality for me.

The next thing is that this type is considered a “non-energy” type, so all of those naps and breaks I took for years and not being able to keep up with PT in the military just meant that my body wasn’t set up for it. Those were the times I was bullied the most, for not being able to keep up, as well as in childhood.

It is necessary for me to learn how to use my energy, so I don’t burnout. Who knew…again?

There is so much information in this system, that I am certainly not going to go into it. What I can tell you is that I feel so validated at the reasons behind how my life has gone and how I am able to shift it in the present in order to walk into a new and beautiful future.

I celebrate this time, almost 60 days later, from feeling lost, alone, and broke to now feeling powerful and excited about what my life holds. I get to just be in each moment and enjoy the ride! Yay!