Flight of the Hummingbird - Day 74 - 6-19-2021 - I’m Starting Anew

 

I am preparing to leave for a trip for 10 days. I have not done anything like this for a very long time. Living in South Florida has been incredibly healing for me. I know why people come down here for that and it works if you decide for it to work.

It has also been isolating so of course there have been challenges, it’s been like a roller coaster ride. Sometimes fun, sometimes not. What I can say is that it has deeply changed me to the point where I am seeing myself, inside my Self. That’s really not easy to explain, it’s something I just know now.

Sure, there are going to be moments in life that may tear us apart. Just because we heal, just because we grieve, just because we forgive in order to reach wholeness and love, doesn’t mean life won’t happen. And, as I mentioned yesterday, there is grief, there is forgiveness and there is love and grief cannot exist without love and forgiveness is the way back to love.

As I keep moving up and around the mountain, I continue to find the same view at certain spots, yet it is somehow different. The difference is that I am not the same and time has continued too, so the actual vista is not that same either.

I have no idea what to expect on this precipice of my life and I really don’t need to know anymore. This is coming from someone who’s entire life was based on control because I had felt so out of control. I don’t feel that way anymore, not even a little. Even when crazy things happen, like getting a 4-inch construction nail (well it looked like it was 4-inches while the tire guy pulled it out) in my tire 5 days before leaving town, that didn’t even do anything to me. I seemed to flow through it.

I knew deeply, for the first time in my life, that I am taken care of. It can be hard to feel that when you had never felt that.

I contribute that to this way I look at healing. I looked for my truth until I found it. I didn’t let anything stop me. Even when the emotional pain was so overpowering, I thought I would die, I still did it.

Why? Well, the three most important why’s are my inner little girl, Carrie – “Happy to meet you!” AND my two children. They have both, in many ways over the years, guided me with their wise words and loving way of who they are.

I can tell you this. One of my own guide words is persistence. I probably have been persistent to a fault sometimes and to the detriment of myself, yet it got me through. I am happy I have that, for if I hadn’t, I would have given up a long time ago, that is how painful it got for me.

No, this is not the end of my journey, it is only the beginning and look forward to sharing this more and more no matter what direction it leads me.

Your truth and your light is inside of you too and is available to you every moment of every day. You just get to decide, be willing, be courageous and be persistent to know you and you will find that amazing, beautiful soul in there for yourself and for no one else.

Be you… you matter, and you are definitely worth it.

 

My life is changing, I’m starting anew,

The time has come, and I will see it through.

Although I feel scared, I know this is meant to be,

I’m finally here and I’m setting myself free.

 

This freedom, though, comes at a cost,

One that most, including me, at some level has crossed,

Me over into the threshold of loss,

Yet it’s different somehow, my wings are aloft.

 

These wings I found, they’ve been there all along,

The cocoon that opened, has begun to make them strong.

Or to break free from the cage that has kept me bound,

Even though the door was open all along, this shift is profound.

 

Having trouble putting the words into view,

Knowing the sages, at times, had the same trouble too.

I watch my life and how it is changing me,

Happy to watch it while fear is what I see.

 

I tell myself that is normal to have,

This fear I’m feeling and need to salve,

The wounds, the memories, the healing as one,

To move into a space that brings out the sun.

 

It’s not out there, it’s deep in here,

This morning as I wait to start movement, I shed a tear.

The tear is for joy, for the feeling of love,

I am having for Self, my true Beloved.

 

No, I don’t know what is happening now,

Yes, the unknown is helping me allow.

These feelings I have that I don’t recognize,

Yet the love inside does pressurize.

 

This need to shift, this need to move,

The Gypsy Queen is here to improve.

This life of mine from her space now,

That helps me to see what the fates will allow.

 

I’m ready now, more than ever,

I’m ready to move, I have finally met her.

She is the one who has guided me through,

To this place in time where I’m starting anew.