Flight Chronicles of the Hummingbird - Day 61 – 6-6-2021 - Letting Go…Again

 

This is such a challenge; I have to admit. It’s been that way for such a long time.

This time though it feels a little different.

You see, in the past, I would not let go because, as I have mentioned, I have held a deep fear of loss. I even held on to the detriment of my own being. Some relationships became too much because I couldn’t let go.

Many years ago, I had two really good lessons in letting go and it was still difficult.

The first was when my children were little. We were living in New York and their father and I decided to get a dog; we already had a cat.

One day as their father was walking in with the dog, I decided in my infinite wisdom to protect the cat from the dog by holding it.

OOOOOhhhh that was a huge mistake. Holding onto things that no longer serve you is akin to holding a cat that doesn’t want to be held. That was when I discovered just how much.

This also seemed to fit in with my need to control my environment because I felt so out of control.

I wanted to be sure the dog wouldn’t attack the cat, so instead, in its attempt to escape, it attacked me. Her back claws dug right into my stomach and her front claws into my wrists.

Yeowwwww. Shoot that hurts!

Sometimes, especially for me, when we don’t let go, we hold on until it hurts and then we are forced to let go. That is not a good thing.

The lesson for me in that was to not resist letting go because it is in the resistance that more pain shows up.

The second lesson was when I was married to my second husband. I had such a good relationship with his aunt. She was a beautiful soul and a kind and generous woman.

My memory was of when she was in the process of dying in the hospital. With her family all around her, I stood outside her room looking through the glass.

I watched her as she labored through her breath; it got harder and harder each time until finally she released her last and took no more in.

It was actually very peaceful to watch, although that was painful for me because she was always so kind to me and had welcomed me into the family immediately. I just stood there and looked at her. She was no longer in pain.

In that moment, I realized that death is the ultimate act of letting go. Even resisting, that is painful and so that stayed with me until I understood what letting go really meant. It has been something I have been working to rectify because I needed to see that.

Letting go…

Allow yourself the feelings, sit with it, love yourself, grieve the losses and then carry the grief.

The challenge is that we also get to let go of the grief and it is possible. Slowly but surely we heal.

And it's all ok.