Flight Chronicles of the Hummingbird - Day 73 – 6-18-2021 - Grief – Forgiveness – Love

In a very strange occurrence yesterday, all of my afternoon appointments were cancelled. Now, normally I would have freaked out but this time something hit me, and I asked the question, “This feels like you are opening something up for me in my schedule for something. What are you preparing me for?”

I went on with my day, finished my work, relaxed, made a nice dinner and watched the Hulu series “This is Us.” That one is pretty consistently a tearjerker for me and what I’m finding is odd is that in the past week, I feel like I keep weeping again. I know it’s the grief, yet it has been feeling different for some reason and I couldn’t put my finger on it.

Of course I didn’t get the answer until this morning. When I woke up as I was doing a YouTube version of Ha’oponopono – which is roughly translates to “cause things to move back in balance” or to “make things right.” It’s a very zen concept. (In native Hawaiian language, “pono” means balance, in the sense of “life.” When things are in balance, nothing is off, so to speak.) https://graceandlightness.com/hooponopono-hawaiian-prayer-for-forgiveness/

When you speak Ha’oponopono, these are the words you say – “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” It opens and clears something inside that I am not able to describe. The link above and others can bring you more into the process, if you are interested.

I’ve been doing Ha’oponopono for a while now and a couple of weeks ago stumbled onto the YouTube version which is set to music played at 432Hz, which is a healing resonance.

The link here for me is that while I was partnering in writing, playing and recording music over the last two years as Indivinity Music with my former partner, we used the same vibration of 432Hz in our instruments and voices. I won’t go into that now, but there is a lot of information out there on this.

Also, some will say that 440Hz is the only way to go and for music in general, it does work, and there are theories out there about that too. If you are looking for healing the mind, body, spirit and heart, check out Schumann Resonances, along with 444Hz which break down into other healing vibrations. Such an interesting history, including the Gregorian Monk information.

Anyway, I digressed a bit there. That stuff is one of my passions.

So, the main reason I wanted to write this morning is that my strange day yesterday shifted me into a beautiful wake up today.

Back to the YouTube video.

As I was listening, meditating, half in the world, half out, I was thinking about my children, also remembering them as babies and then moving that love I have for them into myself. The energy was so big.

Then I started to think about the people in my life who I felt hurt by and moved that energy toward them while hearing those words over and over again, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” It felt like my whole body was breathing this energy. It wasn’t air, it was love. It started to feel like I was dissociating, which I used to do to escape the pain. That wasn’t it, this was a totally etheric feeling, like waves of energy passing through me and around me.

Of course, I began to weep again and it felt so healing. Like having my mother’s arms wrapped around me and her wiping the tear away. She is no longer on this planet, so I really felt that too.

The words that came to me as this was happening were: Grief – Forgiveness – Love. Then what came was “For Self and Others.” I knew what that meant on a surface level and when I began to write about this in my journal, it started to go way deeper.

I’m going to share this with you because it is so amazing, and I am also going to say that I am giving a disclaimer because I don’t know who will be reading this. So, this is my heart, my feelings, my understandings and my thoughts. We are meant to have different ways of connecting with our Higher Power and it is not my intent to offend. It is just what I have discovered and now know to the depths of my being this morning and just wanted to share for those that resonate. If you don’t, that is ok too. Take what you can from it and leave the rest.

I am getting ready to move on into a trip tomorrow. Something I haven’t done in many years for longer that 3-4 days. This one will be 10. I don’t know what to expect, nor am I looking for anything. Going with the flow is the purpose as well with discovering more of my Self along the way.

Being in a totally different location than Florida, which hasn’t happened for years. Florida has been my healing grounds since 2015 and it is time for me to expand and express who I really am and this trip is to complete this part of the process. Whatever that looks like.

I will continue to do these posts on this trip, so who knows what will come from that.

Anyway, as I was coming back into the room from the meditation, I realized for the first time and really felt it for the first time (I’ve known about this for years) that I get to connect with me in Self-Love. While listening to the Ha’oponopono, I felt so much at peace, and I am just beginning to connect with that love for me. The last week has really been a deep dive into working through some things that I didn’t really understand fully throughout my life until they came up last week. I am grateful to those beings who made me aware and who helped walk me through it.

The way I did it was by thinking about my children and love and grieving and forgiving in this process. This is so important, I’m seeing this for the first time in this way, how I really focus on me first to self-care, to grieve, to forgive in order to find and connect with love.

Grief – Forgiveness – Love: For Self and Others – a powerful mantra to follow, not easy though. I don’t think it can get anymore powerful than this, yet I’m sure there is a next level in there somewhere. As a dear friend always says to me, “This is next level stuff.” Yes, it is. Wow.

I can honestly feel the connection with everyone on an energetic level in and out of my life and those that I felt hurt by who were actually the ones that brought me to this place today. The hurt doesn’t even seem to matter anymore at this moment. We have all been wounded in some way, we are all in pain and I can have compassion for that as I see what this is. That thought linked me back to seeing my mother as a little girl in all her pain so I could forgive her. That, somehow, made it easier to start that process.

Continuing in the process, and I recognize that this is a hard pill to swallow, is to see that those that I felt hurt by along with people in the world that probably don’t “deserve” our grief, forgiveness and love, yet knowing it must be done for ourselves. Also, for our connections, to be able to feel and connect with a Higher Power and others. I mean really feel it in our bodies, not just to profess it.

To me, it feels like this is what Jesus means when he spoke about forgiveness. I feel that is why he was here on this planet as a human, just like us, so we could see and feel it through him and how he behaved throughout his life, to show us the way to get through to ourselves, our Higher Power/God (or whatever you choose to call that Being) and each other.

There is always more to life than what meets the eye; and I am really seeing that this morning.

So, in getting to our Higher Power/God, the how isn’t what matters here from my understanding, it is that we get to work on a way to do it – for the healing of this world and planet – through each of us. We must begin with us.

This is scary for me because in working through this for myself hasn’t been easy. I always got lost and caught up in the drama and pain in the past.

I get that there may be quite a few people that will not agree with what I’m saying and may get angry or hostile, yet that feels ok to me. Why? Because what I am saying doesn’t require you to listen to or believe a word of what I am saying, and I am not preaching this to anyone. I am just sharing my experiences, along with what I am feeling and what my discoveries are coming to be.

I certainly don’t know this fully and it is all part of this process, it was interesting to me and I hope that, again, this can at least help one person out there reading this.

This isn’t about belief or expectations or perfectionism (all of which have lived inside of me at one point or another). For me, it is fully about a road/path to Love. True Unconditional Love, the kind of love you feel in your body when you look at a baby for the first time you see them! That is the same for me. That is what I am finding.

Even the same for ourselves and in finding that love, we find the same love for others, the Earth, the animals, whatever we wish to see change in the world can be done through this. I feel it to the depths of my Soul that this is the Truth for me.

I say this to you as much as I remind myself: go through the grief, forgive yourself (first and foremost) and forgive others who you feel did you wrong. This doesn’t let them off the hook for what they did. It lets you off the hook to move forward in your life.

Be sure to take care of yourself during all of this and it will bring you to what you have probably always wanted all your life, what I feel like most of us really want – to love and be loved, to give and receive the truth of love – and that kind of love doesn’t look at all like what we’ve been shown in fairy tale love. It is more like a historical Agape Love, which to me means love in all directions – inside, outside, up, down and around.

I will say again, this is true for me.

Who is to say what really is or isn’t true in this world anymore? The world’s truths, and there are plenty of them, just don’t seem to fit anymore. We have been bombarded with so many opinions about everything for such a long time, so many opinions mixed in with conditioning. All that does is make people numb and when we are numb, we can’t even come close to feeling that love.

Our inner truth is what counts.

My truth is this – to love and be loved in every space – up, down, inside, outside and all around. Just like the hummingbird moves through this planet.

That is what this feels like when we look at that baby, as I have experienced deeply with my children. Pure True Love.

All I do is remember… remember them, so I can remember me.